still though, this song is one of the best i have ever heard.

Feb. 2004: When I talked with Derek back in November, he admitted to me that “What You Want” was written about Sandra. That completely blew me out of the water and kinda blew holes in my conception of what is still a wonderful song.

This song is about feelings that Derek had for a girl who did not feel the same way back. Like he said in the above explanation, when she didn’t feel the same way about him, it made him feel like he “wasn’t anyone”.

I’ve (Bryan) really thought long and hard about this song, as it is possibly my favorite Caedmon’s Call song of all time, and below I’ve posted my full description of the song, despite the fact that some of my specifc explanations might be erroneous. So take it with a grain of salt.

“You’re softer than a cannon blast But your effects much longer last”…This is somewhat obvious. He’s saying ‘You’re a girl, sweet and innocent. But yet the way my heart feels right now, I’d be in less pain if a cannon was just shot at me.’ He is also foreshadowing here, because he knows that the unreciprocated feelings will be tough to get over.

“And I want you just like a hole in my head, But I need you like a meal and a bed”…Why would he say ‘I want you just like a hole in my head’? Maybe because the girl is with someone else. Maybe its just because he knows it’s not going to work out. Yet, he can’t help but feeling this way. He knows he shouldn’t be so attached, but its too late. He is. Notice he goes from ‘want’ to ‘need’. And not just any need, a basic need like food and shelter. Good stuff.

“And you say C’mon I’m not what you’re after”…I think this line is very important. Apparently this girl doesn’t even realize that he is crazy about her. Maybe because he is a semi-famous musician she doesnt think he would like her. Whatever the reason, it appears that she doesn’t believe that it could be true.

“Cause I know You’re not just anyone, anyone”…In this line he is addressing the fact that she doesn’t think she can be with him, by reinforcing to her that she’s “not just anyone”.

“Cause I’m not what you want”…This is why he writes the song. This girl, who he must be friends with on some level, doesn’t “want” him in that way and it kills him. As a guy I know exactly what he is thinking.

“No I’m not anyone, But if you needed me, Then I could be someone.”…This is also pretty obvious. The fact that she doesn’t want him makes him feel like he’s nothing. He is not putting his self-worth in the gospel, but on what this girl thinks of him. And since she doesn’t want him, he feels like a no one. But if she did need him, then he would feel special.

“You’re an army in a horse And you have taken me by force”…The army in a horse refers to the Trojan horse incident (more on the Trojan horse here). I think the analogy to this incident is pivotal not because of the deception that took place, but because of the end result. When they took the trojan horse behind their walls and into their city, they were ambushed by the hidden soldiers and destroyed. He feels that by letting this girl behind ‘the walls of his heart’, he has set himself up to be ‘destroyed’. We know that he doesn’t think that the girl has purposely deceived him, he’s already spoken of her ’softness’. But he is admitting that he has foolishly let her into his heart. Just like the trojans took the city by force, this girl has unknowingly taken his heart by force.

“All the freedom in this world could not resist, The sweet temptation of your sweet elusiveness”…Another interesting line here. He is trying to explain why he let the ‘Trojan horse’ in. He says that he just couldn’t help it. He is saying, ‘Even if I had all the freedom in the world, I still couldn’t resist’. But notice what he can’t resist…it’s her elusiveness. The fact that he can’t figure her out. It’s possible that some days he got the impression that she did ‘want’ him and some days he didn’t. But he wasn’t smitten by charming advances or flirty eyes, it was her elusiveness.

“I say C’mon, as the gate swings open”…Still working that Trojan horse analogy. He says ‘Hey, I knew what I was in for. I already knew that you were an army in a horse. I knew my heart would probably get broken, but I couldn’t resist. So I said c’mon in’. He admits that he set himself up for it.

“Cause I know You’re not just anyone, anyone”…Why? Again, because she’s not just anyone to him. This line is repetitive and mostly used for effect because it mimics the first verse, but the feeling is the same, ‘I knew I was setting myself up for this heartache, but I couldn’t resist and I let you in because I have these feelings for you that makes you more than just anyone, you are special to me.’

“And the lie is always cheaper than the truth”…What does “the lie” mean? I’m not sure. Maybe he is referring to the slim hope that he had in his head that she might like him and fall for him.

“But the lie is all I’ve ever known of you”…If he is talking about what I suggested in the last paragraph, then he is saying that he’s never thought of this girl as just a friend, he’s always looked at her as a ‘potential girlfriend’. Whatever he means by ‘the lie’ this is a huge admission. “It’s all I’ve ever known of you””.

“Maybe none of this is true”…Again, he admits that this whole lie, this idea that she would fall for him, is probably not true. He is almost preparing himself for the inevitable feelings he will feel in dealing with the reality of the situation.

I don’t know how accurate any of that was, but it’s what I get out of it. And let me add that if I’m right on about most of it, that it is one of the most finely crafted, intensely personal songs I’ve ever heard.