Written by: Derek Webb
Appears on: Just Don’t Want Coffee, Self Titled
Lyrics:
When I’m cold and alone all I want is my freedom
And a sudden gust of gravity
I stop wailing and kicking
Just to let this water cover me, cover me
Only if I rest my arms, rest my mind
You’ll overcome me and swell up around me
With my fighting so vain, with my vanity so fought
I’m rolling over
‘Cause in just the same way
That the stream becomes swollen
Swollen with cold up over the ground
When my heart draws close to the close of autumn
Your love, your love abounds
All the time I’m thinking
Wondering how would it be
To breathe in deep
I guess I need to be careful when I ask for a drink
(Just might get what I ask for)
And I know just what You’d say to me
That’s why I don’t ask You
What would I ask You?
I’m like a bullheaded boy these days
Crying my toy’s gone. . .
You’re shiny and new
Guess I’ll drop my anger here
Before I float away
And the chains around me
An awful lot of talking
I don’t leave You much to say
You didn’t ever leave me
And my greatest fear
Was You’d leave me here
A long time back my feet
Could touch the bottom
See also: MusicBrainz.
Essentially, this song is about thinking we know what is good for ourselves, and trying to fight with God over what we want versus what God, in His infinite wisdom, knows is right for us. Often, the path to becoming alive and new in God starts when we are at our coldest and most alone, and it is usually not the most pleasant experience. Derek uses the metaphor of God as water that envelopes us so fully that sometimes we feel we can’t even breathe, and that usually the water swells up just when we are at the brink of desolate winter in our lives, at the “close of autumn”.
“I stop wailing and kicking, just to let this water cover me”…We are like children that wail and kick selfishly for what we think is best. Sometimes, if we can just let go of our tantrum and let God’s water cover us, we’ll find peace.
“When my heart draws close to the close of autumn Your love, your love abounds”… This is the crux of the song and the basis for the title. The ‘close of autumn’ is the day just before winter, when things get cold and desolate, and we feel so far away from God’s warmth. Just at that moment, on that day before winter is when God arrives. Perhaps more accurately, it’s the time when we are finally broken enough to see him in spite of ourselves.
“A long time back my feet could touch the bottom”…Again, here drawing on the water analogy. He’s saying a long time ago, perhaps when he knew less about God, or was more of a ‘child’, things felt easy. Now, days and hardships later, he’s discovering that the waters of God are deeper than the “wading pool” he initially thought they were.
HI I just received an email from ccm magazine, which we subscribe to, and it advertized you!
I followed the links so that I could get a taste of what you sound like. Upon veiwing the website, I chose videos and audio, but the only song that i got to hear you sing was a Paul Simon song, which sounds like paul simon. After 10 min I gave up. ( I’m not good at Surfing) Please tell me where exactly I can hear a clip of your music thanks. Donna in Kelowna Canada