[caedmonscall.net]

Okay, okay, okay. We’ve all heard rumors that Caedmon’s Call is about to become an eight-piece. [And if you've not heard the rumors, you must not be on the Rumor Forum.] There’s some speculation that a former member might come back, and while we think that could be pretty freakin’ awesome, I … have a different take.

There’s this one guy who’s been very influential with the band over the past few years. He’s been on the payroll, indirectly. They consult him about stuff way more than they do me. [Hey, jealousy.] They even took him to Ecuador. So, I posit that the new member of Caedmon’s Call will be:

… Bryan Allain.

[And yes, I know that's Mark Polack in the photo. Caedmon's seems to be going through bass players like Spinal Tap went through drummers. And hey, I haven't heard from Doomsday lately ... I hope he didn't spontaneously combust!]

Don’t believe me? He’s already played with the band.

Remember, folks: you heard it here first. Bryan is the new member of Caedmon’s Call.

I will now go light myself on fire.

We have it on good authority that Cliff Young, frontman for Caedmon’s Call, will replace Sandra Day O’Connor as a Supreme Court Justice. We hear that his first act on the Court will be to rule further performances of “Nothing Is Ever Enough” by former Caedmon’s member Derek Webb as unconstitutional, and, should Webb refuse to stop playing the song, U.S. Marshals will ensure that Webb is forced to get a diamond stud. More on this as news breaks.

We have it on good authority that the releases of Caedmon’s Call’s new worship record, the title of which is yet unavailable to us, and Jars of Clay’s Redemption Songs, are part of Essential’s effort to merge the two bands. The new hybrid, which will go by Caedmon’s Clay, will see some lineup changes, as Cliff and Danielle Young will retire from the band to take care of their children and to allow Cliff to pursue his pastoral duties at his church in Houston.

When Caedmon’s Clay is singing old Caedmon’s Call songs, Josh Moore will sing all of Danielle’s parts. The reason for this, according to a Jars member who shall remain nameless, is because, “if Moore lets his hair grow out, no one will be able to tell from the back of the arena that it’s a guy singing a girl’s parts. We all know that Caedmon’s Clay is only going to play packed out arena shows anyway, so … who’s gonna know? The post-show meet-and-greets might be a bit weird, but hey … only our core fans are gonna be fooled anyway.”

In addition to Moore, Jeff Miller and Andrew Osenga will be featured prominently in the new shows. Both are reportedly “quite stoked” about the possibility of “playing in a real rock and roll band again … no more of this namby-pamby acoustic crap for us!” Miller is reported to be seeking a bass guitar amp that goes up to 11.

Todd Bragg will be retiring along with the Youngs, citing a desire to watch more Brasil soccer matches. There is no word if he will attempt to bulk up and attempt to impersonate the Cincinnati Reds’ Adam Dunn in the Greater Cincinnati area in his attempts to secure “FUNYUNS AND CHEETOS”.

Lastly, Garett Buell was the only band member to go on the record about the Caedmon’s Clay merger. Buell told [caedmonscall.net] that “I don’t really care who I play with, as long as I have congas in my monitors.” We agree, Garett. We agree.

The .net would love to wish Caedmon’s Clay all the best in their new ventures … we just hope that Dan Haseltine will start taking our calls now.

Perhaps you remember the clever promotional item that CC sent out to radio stations when “Hands of the Potter” was going for adds? (If not, check out CMCentral’s story). The band is planning on doing something in the same vein for the first single it releases to radio from Chronicles. The only question that remains at this point is which song they are going to release. Surprisingly, we’re hearing that neither of the two new studio recordings are in the running for radio airplay, but rather the decision has come down to either “Shifting Sand” or “Piece of Glass”. An anonymous source from the label told us that depending on which song is chosen, radio stations can expect either a shattered beer bottle or a 50-lb bag of sand on their doorsteps in the next couple of weeks.

In an unrelated story, word has been spreading over the last few days as to the real reason behind Derek Webb’s departure from the band in March of 2003. We’ve heard the words “high maintenance” and “pretty boy” being thrown around lately, and the below picture, which has surfaced in recent days, might confirm what none of us want to believe is true: Derek Webb was kicked out of Caedmon’s Call for being a metrosexual.

If we hear more, we’ll pass it along.

Jeff Miller is leaving Caedmon’s Call due to artistic differences. As we heard it, Jeff was incredulous when Cliff Young said that he liked Harry Potter better than Lord of the Rings. “How can you say that?!” Miller was heard to exclaim before saying, “I’m out of here.” Stay tuned to [caedmonscall.net] for further details.

Wondering what former band member Derek Webb is up to lately? Would you believe he’s up to his neck in dance remixes? Neither did we until we saw the tentative cover for his next album.

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You may remember back in March of 2002 when we reported that a typo on the cover of a Caedmon’s Call album resulted in this fiasco. Well, we’ve done some more digging and we’ve found more of the same.

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While hazing is a practice that is frowned upon at most college campuses, it appears the members of Caedmon’s Call aren’t afraid to humiliate a new touring band member once in a while.

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An anonymous user confirms a rumor we had heard last week regarding one of the chains that initially refused to sell Derek’s CD. Apparently they are jumping back on board, albeit on their own terms.

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